Author’s note: My previous posts give this post a bit of context – take a look!
I spent a lot of the last year terrified that the next time I came to Kenya would somehow be my last. I worried that once I got a job, I wouldn’t make enough money for international travel, let alone have enough time off to enjoy it. I worried that I couldn’t get a job that let me travel to Kenya or the region in general as part of my work, and I didn’t consider working IN Kenya because I felt that I’d already spent too much time away and I needed to be closer to family. I put rules, restrictions and fears at the forefront of my future outlook – and I hadn’t even started to apply for jobs yet.
I needed to return to Kenya to finish my M.A. project but I was running out of money and even shorter on inspiration. I went ahead and bought my ticket, planned for as much time as I figured I’d need to finish (10 weeks) and tried to keep the anxiety at bay. Then, just before my outbound flight, an amazing fellowship opportunity came up in Ghana, and my return to Kenya was shortened to 10 days before I flew back across the continent to dive into 3 months of full-time work. The M.A. project got put on hold (again), but something far more important happened – I started to realize that the future did not have to be as scary or limiting as I was making it.
So here I am, three and a half months after flying out of SFO – back in Kenya with a paying job, doing work I love with the opportunity to base here but spend a significant portion of time in the U.S. Could I have dreamed this in a million years? Would I have let myself believe that this sort of opportunity existed for me? I cringe to think that 10 months ago…six months ago…I couldn’t fathom it.
I think I get it now. The self-help adage is true – PUT IT OUT THERE. Don’t be afraid to tell the world/universe/God/the unknown what you want – even when it seems impossible. Give voice to your fears, but for God’s sake – stop letting them make decisions for you. Your dream life is out there – take a step and let it happen.